gonna miss here a LOT ='(

i moved!

finally.

hehe.

check it out :)

http://sipenulisblog.blogspot.com/

tapi baru sgt buat.

so jgn tgk lagi la.

esok tgklah. hee~~


ps: aku akan rindu gile ngn cik som. tapi sudah tiba masa beralih angin. haha. good bye 5683, hello 374363 ^_~

boleh tak cik som rehat?

- what a night.

- it's been a long time i havent felt this. dunno why suddenly it came.

- mcm kau tak knal aku. sket2 emo blog rehat. ntahlaa. cik som mcm nk pi holiday la..bleh ke?

- went out to get some ice cream to suits the mood.

- lalu lorong kegelapan. except this time, aku ade cik puteh. syukur~

- aku tatau ape yg aku buat neh. aku pon tatau ape yg kau buat neh. sbb kite tak buat ape2 la kot.

- oklah. mata aku da ngntuk. esok aku mahu ke sana pagi2. itu pon mahu tulis disineh kan? kau tahu knape aku tulih kat sineh. sbb aku tatau lg mcmane nk bgtau yg aku terkilan sgt pada hari itu. hari itu. 365 - 1 = 364. aku cuma mintak 1.




whatever it is,

good luck :)

seven-o-o

- it's the 700th post! bykkan saye bebel disineh. hee ;)

- had a nice time lepaking after keje. bukan lepak pon more kpd melepaskan stress bersama mereka. single scoop float saves the day =)

- wud hampir langgar wul. yes, my cik puteh! waa~~ terkejut tadik. apela nk reverse tak tgk blkng. seb bek aku sempat elak. huu~

- cant wait to hear the good news esokkk! hehe. kachingggg!

- dpt wedding invitation card. sgt lawa. sgt. whiteeee =)

- balik speeding again. huhu. sonok. makes the pain goes away eventho kat radio ske sgt main lagu from my fave playlist. uhuh. tabah ye hazrati zaini~ he doesnt deserve it. so just quit it.




esok kau pekse kalo tak silap,

study leklok & all the best ;)

uitm dihatiku?

- pagi aku discover sumthin. speeding on the road rili do make the pain go away temporarily~

- it's lunch time. aku tak ikut mereka. mahu bersendirian dan mamam dlm ofis.

- every working day, lima la kan. seems like bad days nowadays.

- tak suke sungguh dgn ape yg terjadik. kenapa manusia perlu bersikap spt itu? tak faham. perlu ker? uhh =.=

- betul dlm hati aku, aku nk pindah kampus. tapi apakan daya, terpaksa juga menghadapi T.T

- mereka turut merasa tempias. tapi mereka ade tmpt utk mengadu. aku? takpelah. cik som pon dah memadai kan. thx, wpon ckp ngn cik som takde beza mcm ckp ngn dinding tapi at least i let it out :)

- kalo hari2 mcmneh. 365 x 3. ohh~~hmm..ntahla. ohh~~ bleh tak, nak jerit?
akuuuu tak mintakkkkk ponnnnnnn. akuuuuuu takkkkk applyyyyyyy ponnnnnnnn. tapiiiiiiiii lasttttttttt2 nehhhhhhhh yggggggggg akuuuuuuuuu dapattttttttt. ok. abes dah.

- utk kau. aku nk rasa mcm2. be a +ve or -ve feels. but i've no right nymore. so, chill jela~






kau tak payah la nak risau,

we both know now you stop caring~

slmt bc pemain emosi.

- it's five thirty eight am and i just woke up with a pile of exam papers beside.
- it's monday already, n i still got a few left to mark.
- what a long night.
- ehh. i just realize ada empat je lagik. jap2. nk abeskan.
- okay, finished! sgt lega. takdela kne marah kat opis satgi. huhu~

- hmm. yer mmg aku nk berbicara mngenai mlm tadik. tapi tak perlu kot. takpela~
- dah kalah kan? tahniah la mng..
- ahaks. mesti pk lain kan td? last2 bola.
- knape hilang? aku belum tnye route to your heart. eh silap. to your place.

- i miss my D4D6~
- my colorful letters of rainbow. my colorful Yaasin. my mariah carey cd. uhh~
- wherever you are, i missed u badly.
- moga ketemu satu hari nanti~





refuse myself to confront,

deep inside thanks for lending a hand last night :)

lampi~

- i wonder what happened to him..
- invigilate the whole evening. got a chance to speak in the hall on behalf of the chief invigilator.
- made a merry go round the uitm. forgot i've to take home some exam papers from the office, instead i went straightly home.
- pergi was on hot. in front was a gray persona. need i say more?
- i still dunno the way. and tomorrow is monday already. laila mia. him, hmm i dunno. google map, i refuse to understand them.



aku lampi sgt,

sbb tuh aku tak faham.

mlm tunggu.

- great rainy nite. felt great to be buying dinner for the love ones :)
and the driver also. hehe

- ohh man. where are you? i need a favor to ask you.

- maaflah, kalau busy. aku suke susahkan kau, dah bukan perkara baru. huhu~




where are you,

aku ulang lagi. mana kau?

havent-got-a-clue-for-the-title

- not much today.
- watch chuck while having my lunch.
- updated the application of changing the ptptn from 3% to 1%~
- invigilate at noon. freezing in the exam hall. dangg~ 3 hours seems like 3 weeks. ohh.
- drive to the faculty without my wallet. ok, how old am i again? =.=
- drive home as safely as i can, license at home maa. uhuh~
- a memorable song otw back home. ok, i missed being called tuan puteri. haha. old stories.
- i better start marking. monday is the due date. seriously, can't you just erase the word procrastinate in your life dictionary, hazrati? huu~
- nxt wk i wanna do my thesis. nxt wk. nxt wk. pls la. no more delay. just go to the nearest shop and print the damn hardcover lorrr. haizz.
- and yeah one more. fill up those stupid mohe survey for graduates. cant the survey be just 5 questions? it's gonna be very bored answering all those questions. dun rmmbr how many. but, a lot.
- and where is that kid again? i asked for the notes. it's saturday already. ohh.
- i think i'll stop here. i'm not pissed or nything. juz dun hav the mood to elaborate
my day as usual juz coz i'm starving.
- tonite, is the alumni for my primary school. i hav to pass on that. otherwise, i'm gonna be dead meat on Monday morning for not finishing marking those final exam papers. but hey, why should i go again? am i dat famous, coz as far as i can rmbbr my name wasn't listed as any teacher's fave student. huu~ friends? hmm. people forget. always. so, no need to express more on that.
- ohh man. what hav i turned into. ok ok. the real hazrati will be back in awhile. she's just having some major split personality problemo. ohh. bummer.
- i am so craving for tootsie roll. when is he goin to be back? nyone coming back from US? i need a packets. no. not one. a dozennnnn of tootsie roll.
- ohh yeah i forgot. i need someone who have the skills to draw characters like in the comics. would be great if you can draw characters like warriors from the times of Hang Tuah and so on. this is a freelance job. You can work from home and get paid monthly. Just contact 013-3333573 for further details. Thank you.



i said no again,

the heart still insist in saying yes.

new thing.

ilham tetibe dtg.
suke.
ade hobi bru.
boring marking paper ke..
boring jaga exam ke..
bleh la aku escape
membuat hobi aku itu.
apa?
hehe.
nantilah baru aku share ngn cik som.
whatever it is,
i shouldn't have done this.
but the heart inside
is shouting out loud
yessss you should do ittttttttt.
haha ;p
it's gonna be quite sometime
i'll be sticking with this new hobby.
let's just say if it ends with the very last period,
i'm ready.
if it ends with blanks
i'll never be ready.
ok.
jgn pk byk2
nnt korang yg bace pening.
haha

takers :)

- public hols! ok. sgtlah dihargai bile tak payah kerje. sok luse keje. ahhhhhh nooooooooo~~~~~
- pagi melipat kain yg berbakul itu.
- at noon bff came by. went to sa convec centre. ade pameran pengantin. as soon as i walked in the hall, i was like, hey, this is cool! haha. nvr been to any bridal punye pameran. hehe.
- lunch: secret recipe. curry mee yg amatlah pedas. ilang appetite nk makan. rugi jek duit. ehh dia belanja. xpe r. haha ;P
- watch takers in the evening. sgtlah besh. seriously. tak sia2 pi tgk. i was excited to watch only coz ade paul walker in the first place, but lucky for me, cite tuh mmg best. so tak rugi tgk. hee :)
- jusco ade warehouse sale. sape2 nk shopping tuh leh ler dtg.
- sesat after antar dia blk umah. not used to the area yet, sbb dia bru pindah umah. mmg sa je pon. tapi aku kan mmg xreti jalan. uhuh =.=
- it was dark. and i'm alone with cik puteh. yes, it was scary~~




i said no,

but the heart insist in saying yes.

m for maybe.

maybe it's true..

maybe it's false..

maybe it's for the better..

maybe it's for the worse..

maybe..

m

a

y

b

e

...


- ohh~ i had a nitemare. and guess what, it's just me here..

nk tkr kampus lah~

- updating cik som in the office. workaholic kan aku? haha.
- felt offended badly. mau pindah kampus tapah sem depan bleh x?
- oklah. da xde smngt nk cite just because of hal2 ofis. atie, lupekanlah.
- pagi tadik hampir terlanggar lampu hijau. hijau tau bukan merah. aku tak pasan ade polis trafik kat depan tuh. supposedly kne stop. tapi aku nmpk hijau so jalan jela. luckily sempat brake.
- last day jaga exam kat beringin. but got several more here in the faculty.
- ohh yeah. today the 4th. until now i cant reached him. fb, calls, text. huh. my bestie burfday and aku tak wish lagik. ntah mane la pakcik tuh ilang.

oklah, pakcik bushuk, slmt hari tua =)
cpt siapkan fyp, cpt grad, cpt keje, cpt kawen. haha =D
friends tak forever! yelah sure2 kau lupe aku time da kawen kan? huhu~

- esok cuti. cuti ker kalo da kne marking x abes2. huh. maybe larik jap pi tgk takers kot. kot la. tgk la camne.



i had a bad day,

aku harap kau punye hari okay =)

a request.

twice
this
morning
seriously
i
thought
it
was
your
name
unfortunately
my
hope
died
again
well
that's
not
a
surprise
anymore
i'm
already
used
to
it
already
yes
i
am
stupid
like
everyone
is
saying
straight
to
my
face
but
still
i'm
typing
here
every
single
day

- penat. hope always died when it comes to the word hope itself.
- okay. lmbt dah. my turn to drive to beringin today, i've to invigilate @ 9am. doa for my safety k ",

akuspacesukespacetodayspacesemicolonshiftzero

Salam kpd semua :)

aku ralit sgt tgk anime. lupe nk update blog. sian kat org yg nk bacekan? ok2. here goes for today~

- pg malas gi keje. haha. tp tibe2 enzim rajin dtg. jgn tanye dr mane. haha. aku nk ckp trima kaseh buleh x? haha ;P

- marking tak abeh2 smpai ngantuk. neh bwk umah je lebih. alih2 tak bukak pon. huu~

- lunch date with the bestie. aku suke tudung kau la. comel =)

- ptg ganti membe aku. invigilate kat fakulti jer. ok. 3 hours bosan. nak abeh jgk aku bace buku ape ntah. arineh keje asek kne pi toilet je. apehal la sume student asek dok pi toilet je. penat tau nk kuar masuk iring korang. dah mcm pengantin pulak. huhuu~

- lupe. skrng neh da xpkai bakul. aku bleh bergaya sket r jd invigilator bwk beg kuning. hee :)

- balik keje. jmpe pemandu ngek. kan da dpt ngek. pndai2 dia je nk u-turn. helo. tuh jalan aku la. x penah2 org u-turn situh. tak boleh ponnn. adoi. lagi sorang ngok. tak reti sbr ker. kete belambak kot laju camne aku nk lintas. ngok kan? oklah. abeh bebel.

- aku layan anime yg smlm xabeh tgk. mane taknye da ngntuk. uhuh dah tua2 neh tak reti stay up dah. haha. ohh. nk cite. smngt jap. aku terharu sbnrnye. sgt. sbb tadik abahku ade tegur time aku dok layan anime. dia kata neh pocahontas ker? haha. cute. mesti xphm kan?
pocahontas tuh cite feveret aku time kicik2. adela hari2 blk skola sumbat video tape dlm vcr tekan play. hari2. fanatik la namanya tuh kan. blom cite hafal dialogue semua. haha. siap beli beg tuala pinggan mangkuk sudu. lagi maniac. haha. yg terharu nyer sbb abahku ingat. he rarely ingat stuffs from the past. and, i'm just glad he said it just now =)

- dahla. aku nk pi tgk sara kat tv. mlm neh sara. smlm dah puas tgk asmara yg ensem sgt tuh :p
lbs tgk. tgk time intro lagu je. haha. start cite aku tutup tv. bosan arr monolog sendirian memanjang. hehe~

- neh apehal aku tak abeh2 type neh. kata tanak cite bg satu dunia tahu. haha. arineh mereng sket tibe2 nk tulih semua bende. haha. dahla atie. tutup blogger. ok last2.
kau lupa ker? hmm~



it might be a nothing,

but enough to make the heart smile ^_^

cik puteh ke beringin~

- morning a bit stressed. drpd nk mula tanda kertas tros tutup skema jwpn. susah laaaa~~ nk tanda subject yg aku tak ajar. mmg pernah aku belajar dulu. tapi lain la mengajar n belajar. uhuh. risau. student pnye jwpn mostly tak sama ngn skema. huu~ pape pon sok kne start tanda.

- ptg invigilate@ kolej beringin. paper calculus 2. tibe2 teringat zaman kejatuhan dulu. huhuu~
biaselah. life ade ups and down. aku mmg bersyukur penah gagal paper itu suatu ketika dahulu. yer, aku fail. aku suke. aku dpt rase perasaan being a failure. byk aku belaja pd zaman dhulu kala. byk mengajar utk lebih maju pd masa hdpn =)
lupe. ketua pengawas aku ensem. kidal. ok dah pakej tuh. haha. tapi membe aku da book awai2. heheee ;P

- balik. stuck in a terrible jam. buang masa sajer. uhuh~

- balik check FB. heppiiii~ result student aku kuar arineh. they did great. aku tumpang gembiraaaa =)

- oklah. nak layan anime. tadik angkat satu dvd. hee :)

- oklah. utk kau. sukatilah~aku kisah sebenarnya kau tak kisah tapi apa aku boleh buat kan?





i hate the fact,

you totally changed.

:)

it's okay.

it's fine.

it's totally okay.

it's totally fine.

it's definitely okay.

it's definitely fine.

hari mini coop sedunia~

- beriya title kan?
huhu. nutin pon.
today i ran into 3 mini coopers.
blue, red and lupe satu lagik.
yg pasti bukan putih. huhu~
bile akan jd milik aku?
haha. yg replika pon x beli2 agi. huu~

- pagi yg berangin di situh. aku suke :)

- wul & wuf lunch togeda-geda. how nice :)

- pegi india borong kain saree. haha :D

- tak suke bace buku yg penulisnye keje nk menghentam pembaca. sgtlah tak motivated bagi penulis buku motivasi. uhuh~

- mendpt skrip jawapan. utk wat gapo lagi. marking lerh. ade lctrr pi haji so kne tulun mark. huhuu~

- esok dan hari sekiannye ke beringin utk mncari angin sepoi bahasa. huhu~

- oklah. nak stop sineh.
tanak type pjg2 agi.
sbb confirm akan
melalut ntah ke pelusuk mane.
sbb aku takut terlebih melancholic
sat lagik.
huhu~



a word would be nice,

am i a stranger to you?

a resemblance.

been waiting for years..

it would be nice..

if only a day..

i would be walking by the streets..

and see the resemblance..

of the face..

the face i fear of forgetting..

the face which live in my heart..

the face of which i would not

think twice

to just run and hug..

even a stranger

only because..

it resemble

the face

my eyes, my heart

dying to meet again..~


ps: i will smile today. you thought me how.

tata Oct..Nov~ hmm..~

- back home safely~ alhamdulillah.
- x suke drive kat jalan kampung kecik2 tuh. scary yg amat! huhu~
- x suke juge drive kat highway. sbb semua org potong aku. tibe2 terase mcm aku neh kura2 lembab gile ker? haha. bru tau ka? huu ;P
- ape2 pon sgt suke drive cik puteh ke mana saje. sbb aku syg cik puteh aku. ngeee :D
- been listening to ost magika since last nite. suke! sgt suke! mcm nk tgk lagi je cite tuh. thumbs up for KRU. great effort :) reminded me of wizard of oz one of my all time favorite~
- hari neh halloween's day. aku tak sambut. harap maklum. tapi aku penah pegi la trick or treat kicik2 dlu. and yes, until now i missed the candy corn. kat sineh takda ka? huu~
- the glance of the rainbow appeared in October, can i meet the real rainbow here in the reality world in November?




aku sedar siapa aku,

sebab tuh kau tak bagitau.

warna :)

hello..

i was typing as usual
my feelings at the moment
but then i decided to just
press backspace all the way before
my first word hello..

not everything i should share with cik som, aite?
but if it's the only way, the only medium
i'd be able to share with the one that could
make the heart smile, then how will that be?
hmm...ok. too sleepy to wonder on that.

oklah. lupekanlah hal2 yg berkaitan emo.
hari neh hari warna warni bagi aku.
summarize aje la yer.
penat. huhu~

- berjaya smpai ke sg blh. nkve tak jumpe. lalu guthrie. yg sgtlah twice bahaya than nkve. syukur selamat smpai.
- sesi menonton mantera bersama adek badek tersyg :)
- magika di cathay while everyone was bersorak bagai kat stadium. huhu. bestlah movie tuh!
- dinner: domino's
- supper: cornetto sundae ",



hope to not lose hope,

in you on the day~

taman setgh hari.

Salam awak semua,

- pagi agak suram. if only you're there with me.....~
- noon bff ajak karok. unforch hav to pass~ being a career gurl sucks. huu~
- teman a colleague yg kne invigilate kat beringin
- menghabiskan fulus di popular. suke, byk mende leh bace jage exam nxt wk. hee~
- spent the evenings at the gardens. sgt suke rest room situh. ade mirror! haha
- balik. penat. tgh taip neh. penat lagik. ok lah.
- esok. saya sorang. kan best ade co-driver. nak kne lalu nkve, tapi celah mane pon tatau. mmg redah. aduh~



penat tapi suke,

kau tunggu new post aku.

craving for cornetto!

hey everyone..

- standby yg terpaksa invigilate juge. ok another 3 hours kebosanan.
- lepaking with bff aka kembarku aka vvip hidupku. haha. hope you like your riliiiii late burfday pressie. cute kan? wee ;P
- hampir sesat otw back home. kau jugak yg aku ingat. kaulah. kau yg tgh demam tuh. mcmlah kau tuh google map aku. huhu~ get well soon okay ;)

tak reti berlakon,

tapi dialah mamat cornetto paling ensem yg saye minat! ;)

lembah tengah pada hari ini.

hari penoh ngan drama.

- cik puteh alami minor eksiden kali pertama. ouch~
- ke hulu hilir patah balik highway akibat terlepas simpang.
- carik parking yg mmg tak jumpe2. bile jmpe, rushing pegi restroom. haha :D
- penat tapi aku seronok bersama mereka2 yang retard itu. hee ;P

nak cite ngan lebih details iaitu penuh ngan adjektif bagai. tapi nanti kne sound pulak
nak kasi satu dunia tahu ker? haha ;P
jadik sket je r cite. huhu~

ok. biaselah.
mesti ade terselit cerita tuk kau.
smlm takde. sbb aku selit kat tmpt lain.
harta yg kau tak jumpe2 tuh la. huhu~

aku tak tahu bile orang2 yang bergelar pelajar
kat u yg-kalo-konvo-dpt-pkai-robe-color-merah start exam.
haha. kecoh psl robe konvo. sbb lmbt agi bru aku dpt pkai.
huhu.
ckp psl konvo, my big day is just around the corner!
tapi robe dark blue r. dah pnah pkai. tak best dah. haha.
kalo free dtglah, tak free pon dtglah. haha
ok. ok. balik pd cite asal.
khas tuk kau.
gud luck on your exam ;)
jwb leklok. kau pandai.
study tau.
buang jauh2 ur laziness okay?
mmg bleh text kasi wish.
tak best.
sineh satu dunia bace.
haha.
terharu tak?
sbnrnye aku masuk hallmark tadik
carik card gudluck,
takde. ceh.
nak wat sndiri.
nnt kau bosan lak
tgk tulisan crayon aku tuh.
huhu.
ok. melalut mane ntah.
ALL THE BEST ^_~




stuck on a question,

think of me. mmg tak stuck dah. jem tros otak. hehe ;P

invigilator == dead bored.

Salam semua!


- 3 jam kebosanan menjaga exam.
- 3 jam yg kelakar dlm mesyuarat.


ugly betty,

bendahari baru :)

1 + 1 = 2

t.a.u.b.a.t

petikan dari ulamak yg tgh bagi ceramah kat tv secara xlangsung masuk dlm mimpi aku sbb aku tgh syok layan tido atas katil baru. ehh. sheets je baru tukar. haha ;P cool tak, siap msuk dlm mimpi. hee~

sejam bagaikan sepetik jari
sehari bagaikan sejam
seminggu bagaikan sehari
sebulan bagaikan seminggu
setahun bagaikan sebulan

dah baca? ok.
itu tanda kiamat semakin hampir.

nota utk diri sendiri dan kau dan semua.
taubatlah~

i heart her ^_^

i'm honored.
yes, i do.
thanks dear.
i know loads of stuffs
need to be done.
i'll be there for you, alwaysss~
inshaAllah i'll make your special day
a memorable one :)
i'll help you with the preparation
as much as i can.
let's start counting down the big day!
hehe ;P




best friendship gift,
being your wedding planner ",

the chapter~

i closed that chapter of my life few months ago..
but i know for sure, i'm gonna be reopening that chapter again one day..
as for you..
please dont give up yet..
you have a long way to go to finish your own chapter..
and i hope i can support you the best i can
till you finish the chapter..
even though the chapter isn't the last one in a book,
it is still one of the important chapters..
so try your best to finish that chapter the best you can :)
i want to wait until your last page of the chapter,
because every chapter ends with a satisfaction breath.
and, i wouldnt want to miss it for the world.
because it's yours~
but, if somewhere along the pages of the chapter,
you wont see my name on it..
it's only because..
you tore the pages down..
what else can i do, i only kept my words.
the words that i meant every word.
i'll just see you end the chapter from faraway~

GOOD LUCK in your chapter ;)


the chapter,
where the word fun still exist.

aku some-satu ker?

am i a somebody?

the answer is yes.

why?

read below.

aku hamba kepada Tuhanku Allah swt.
aku penganut kepada agamaku, Islam.
aku umat kepada Rasulullah saw.
aku anak kepada org tuaku.
aku adik kepada abang dan akakku.
aku anak saudara kepada pakcik dan makcikku.
aku maksu kepada anak buahku.
aku pensyarah kepada anak muridku.
aku pelajar kepada tenaga pengajarku.
aku kawan kepada rakanku.
aku rakyat kepada negaraku.
aku penulis kepada blogku.
aku pemandu kepada cik putehku.
aku pengikut kepada laman sesawang bukumuka.
aku..
aku..
aku..

and the list could go on forever, aite?

but still..

at this moment..

this hour, this minute, this second..

i felt..

i do not belong anywhere..and to anyone..



ps: dang~ dunno what had happen. suddenly the feeling just struck my head. i drove an hour just to clear the head. but still, it won't go. uhh~

Kolej Beringin la sgt...

takut nak drive kat area old town pj.
sungguh.
kenapa la kne pegi ceruk sana
nak jaga exam? huu~
smlm ke sana mencarik tmpt.
sgt kesian student fskm yg
study kat sane.
ok, buruk. sgt. huhu~
dahla terpencil.
pindah sa jela. kan sng. hehe
tadik membe yg drive.
mmglah. org2 pj neh mmg xde manners ek
drive kete.
mcm org gile sume bwk kete.
scary sgt.
mngu dpn camne?
dahla kne ulang alik subuh2 gerak
dari sineh. hari dieorg leh drive oklar..
what if it's my turn?
ok. takut pk.
drive kat situh.
sbb tanak jd mcm mereka
a.k.a org gile yg bwk kete mcm la
ade tornado kat blkng kete. huh~



bored weeks ahead,

few hours of standing.

awan bagi kata jujur. bintang bagi coklat. pelangi bagi suara :) :) :)

pjg kan title. haruslah dah post pjg juge. huhu~
pagi2 subuh aku dah jaga.
ehm.
aku nak menulis.
tapi aku buntu apa nak dicoretkan.
mungkin kerana dah sedikit lama
aku tinggal dunia blog aku ini.
maap cik som.
takde niat dihati nak menduakan kau.
cuma aku sedikit sibuk dgn dunia realiti aku.
maka kurang la masa aku dapat
bergolek atas katil dgr2 lagu jiwang
takpon petik gitar aku tuk menghasilkan
mood nak menulis. haha.
tapi aku syukur. kerja yg telah byk bagi aku
tekanan itu sudah berakhir.
ya, akhirnya aku bebas dari semua itu.
syukur sgt~
aku hairan.
pelik sedikit.
tapi itulah takdir.
walau pelik mana, pasti
ada yg tersirat.
ok, kalau pening sgt, jgn pk mcm aku.
aku mmg suke pk mende tak patut pk.
itulah aku.
aku hairan sekali lagi.
yer, nak khabar la neh ceritanye.
kenapa. ohh kenapa.
kenapa kau hanya tiba2 muncul tatkala
jiwa aku dah tenang.
jiwa aku dah jauh sekali dari stress memikirkan masalah aku.
kenapa masa aku bermasalah masa aku betul2
serious tak tipu perlukan kau, kau takde masa waktu2 tersebut?
aku pelik.
sebab ini bukan kali pertama aku alaminya
bersama kau.
seakan-akan kau tahu waktu yg sesuai
utk muncul pabila semua masalah aku hilang.
kenapa? aku ini da transform jadi alien ker,
pabila aku bermasalah sampai kau tak sanggup
nak bersama aku?
tgk. pk suke lebih2 kan aku neh.
padehal coincidence je kot.
huhu.
ok, sudah2 la pikir psl tuh.
nama pon takdir.

oklah. lama kan tak story cerita warna-warni
ataupon kadang kala gelap gelita
tentang kehidupan harian aku.
ehm.
mahu bercerita.
tapi takpelah, tak semua benda kita kene
kongsi dgn satu dunia kan?
ceh. tibe2 penulis blog berubah pulak.
padehal dlm hati byk gile kot aku nak taip
kat sineh kongsi.
at this hour actually. aku nak je bebel semua cerita2
aku for the past few weeks i've been missing.
haha. tapi aku sedar.
takde org segila aku nak bace post yg serious kalo
msuk cite past few weeks confirm pjg gile tak hengat.
haha.
tapi nak jugak cerita. tapi ade tapisan. ok x?
haha. tgk, dtg dah sengal + ngada aku.
ok, sapa dah rase muak, sila keluar pegi blogwalking
blog lain. huhu.
ehm.
tak jadiklah cerita. sebab nak pegi kat luar sidai kain.
haha. ape punye alasan.
betullah. aku nak cepat. ada destinasi aku nak pergi pagi2 satgi sblm aku
ke opis.
mana?
ada satu tempat. kau tahu. sebab kau seorg sahaja yg tahu
kenapa aku beli cik puteh aku itu.
haa. tau dah kan?
yer, tak tipu. setiap kali aku nak pergi dan balik dari tmpt itu
aku ingat kau. entah kenapa, aku masih seperti dulu. 10 markah
utk bodoh aku dpt free2 disituh. biarlah. malas pk ape org ckp.
bodoh ke ape. aku nk jadik mcm kasyah boleh? haha.
cerita LBS mmg tak logic. tak pernah aku jmpe
seorg laki yg setia nk mampus. namapon novel bertukar jd drama. huhu.
laa berjela gile kot aku dah taip neh.
sudah2 la ek. aku takut kau muak bace.
tapi aku tahu kau rindu nak bace. haha.
oklah, kalau rajin pegi scroll kat atas balik carik
perkataan hee. takdekan? yg ade huhu ngan haha jer.
nape takde? sbb nak gune tuk satu statement neh jer. sbb mmg excited.
haha. well at least my heart smiled. hee. thanks for ringing my music express
yg tahun bile ntah nk tukar. aku agak bosan hidup tanpa dunia kamera.
ceh. macamlah camera freak sgt. haha. ok2 ikut budget dua kosong sebelas
baik aku tngu thun depan tuk beli talipon tgn baru kan? hehe.
eh eh. mane aku merepek dah neh. huhu.
akhir kata, aku gembira seketika
walaupun aku serious tak dengar kadang2 apa yg kau katakan
sebab aku sibuk duk suruh hati aku tenang. haha ;P



ps: friends forever. ever and ever boleh? sampai anak cucu cicit bagai. ngee :)

mi serab le.

sayang

~

akuyangcomel

~

rainbow

~

apologize

~

numbers

~

guitar

~

him

~

emo

~

you

~

one

aku risau. tak tipu.

Ya Allah,

selamatkanlah

segala-galanya..

inilah aku.

aku peduli apa.
ini blog aku.
org nk benci ke bace mampus ar. takyah dtg bace.
maap. kata2 sungguh cantek ini mlm.
aku tersgtlah sakit hati sakit jiwa sakit jantung sakit pinggang sakit mata sakit kepala semua sakit.
yer mmg tgh pissed off.
tak jugaklah. cuma sekadar meluahkan terbuku di lubuk hati.
mmg lama gila aku pendam.
dah berbulan idup dlm keadaan
mengorbankan segala mende yg bleh bg aku happiness.
sumpah kalau aku tahu. aku takkan terima in the first place.
hidup aku serious terumbang-ambing lepas aku terima.
hari2 setiap masa sibuk duk semak dalam pala otak aku.
sampai aku tersgtlah tekanan memikirkannya.
masa seharian aku yg 24 jam tuh sgtlah terbuang.
hanya kerana aku terima keje ini suatu ketika dahulu.
aku korbankan masa REHAT aku hanya kerana kau.
aku kerja siang hari. takde beza dgn malam.
waktu tido aku ntah kene campak lombong mane.
tiap kali aku bukak inbox yahoo aku ke gmail ke.
rase mcm nak terus tutup account. tukar email lain.
sungguh stress setiap kali aku tekan inbox.
serious tak tipu.
tanya lah org sekeliling aku yg nmpk
muka aku yg macam org tak betul buat2 gelak jer.
padehal dlm kepala, itu tak siap agi. ini tak buat agi.
itu kne anta esok. eh yg neh kne anta lusa.
ok. korang bace pon mesti kata ayat aku dah macam
kap lam ya nga. haizz.
aku terpaksa.
yer mmg.
aku tersepit.
yer sungguh.
aku dimarah sbb kau.
aku dimaki hamun sbb kau.
aku dicerca jugak arr. smpai ada ketika
aku rasa hina gila.
tak pernah aku kene marah
sebegitu rupa seumur hidup aku.
yer, aku putus harapan
utk hidup positif hanya sbb kau.
dan aku cuba
sgt mencuba
mencari kekuatan.
sayang,
orangnya tiada.
kadang, aku menangis.
tak pernah aku menangis sbb keje.
agaknya aku terlalu terguris kot.
ok. ini punye sedih lain mcm ngan frust tertonggeng putus cinta.
tapi sedih gak lah. tatkala org dah tak nmpk
kelebihan kita. yg nmpk hanya kekurangan.
mmg penuh dgn drama. hanya disbbkan kau.
kdng kala nak saja aku
meluru berlari ke org kesayangan aku
dan peluk cium dia. dan mendgr katanya
"everything's gonna be all right"
ok. org tuh dah tak wujud. tak wujud.
dan tak mungkin wujud lagik.
akhir kata.
tiada siapa.
org kesukaan aku?
kdng aku cuba mencari bahunya.
tapi aku sedar bebanan dia sudah cukup.
dan aku tak mahu menambah lagi sbb
siapalah aku.




kau,
haram jadah modul.

harta kau.

a hidden treasure
which belongs to you.

open your heart
wide open.

you'll find it
right here in

shadows of mine~

ps: still not free from the b to the u to the s to the y. ohh. but ifelt like posting. sebabnye, aku tahu. ade org rindu. eh bukan kat aku. kat cerita2 aku. kan? takpe, nanti da tak sibuk aku akan bebel spt biase, boleh la kau bace hari2 :)

u&i

i am useless.

i am irresponsible.

i am useless.

i am irresponsible.

i am useless.

i am irresponsible.




dizziness days,

i heart me.

kau rindu aku ke?

salam everyone..

ok. first nak cakap. saye RINDU cik som. haha.
padehal baru away few days. hee :p

maapla yer. saye bukan bz mane pon smpai xleh update.
tp blk keje je trus tido. lupe nk update. huhu
knape saye tdo awal?
sbb saye penat pk. huu~
saye penatlah pk itu pk ini. emm. i sux la being
a decision maker. future tuh. bukan mende main2
leh pk sambil lewa jek. uhuh.
sbb penat pk n tak reti decide, tuh yg tido. haha.

ape ek nak cite?
hmm..

sunday lepaking with my bestie. ptg2 lepak dc minum air gelas besar. fresh orange.
huu. sgt sedap. rindu, lama xlepak situh. lepas tu pegi cili merah mkn. lepas kenyang balik tumpang smyang kat kolej dia.

monday watpe ek.
keje. ade class. ajar budak2 pakai sound forge. mcm2 version mixing aku kene evaluate. hehe.
puase hari pertama. hee.

today.
menghabiskan masa di opis bersama miss2 yg sungguh retard. haha :D
gi wat med check up.
dieorg dtg beraya mah aku.
layan merlin kat opis. yg mane endingnye aku pon xphm sbb mata aku tutup rapat layan tido ptg2 mase ujan. hehe. padehal aku yg beriya nak tgk. haha.
abeskan isi borang keselamatan yg tersgtlah pjg. huh.

oklah, since they colored my life for now,
i juz wanna say out loud here.
THANKS u people for making me laugh every single day!
i lost my student's smile, but i'm glad i'm still smiling because
of korang punye perangai yg entah pape tuh. HAHA ;P

retard. mental. terencat.

tak sabar esok.
nak angkat sumpah. tak sbr nk msuk kandang. kandang la sgt.
dlm mimpi jela. haha =p
aku tak sabar sbb nk donlod cite! haha. one tree hill & ncis: los angeles :)




nurse berkata,

bp aku rendah.

100 truths.

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: air masak

2. Last phone call: Alya

3. Last text message: Abahku ",

4. Last song you listened to: Storm - Lifehouse

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: nope

7. Been cheated on: yup

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: yup and nvr regret

9. Lost someone special: yup

10. Been depressed: yup

11. Been drunk and threw up: never

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS :

12. white

13. purple

14. blue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010)

15. Made a new friend: yup, many :)

16. Fallen out of love: yup

17. Laughed until you cried: yup

18. Met someone who changed you: nope.

19. Found out who your true friends were: yup

20. Found out someone was talking about you: like i care.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: most of them

23. How many kids do you want to have: dun mind, syukur if ade rezeki :)

24. Do you have any pets: nope

25. Do you want to change your name: nope

26. What did you do for your last birthday?: nothing

27. What time did you wake up today: o-three-hundred hours

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: dreaming

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: vacation with the besties

30. Last time you saw your Father: few minutes ago

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: nvr thought of one. just redha~

32. What are you listening to right now: Menunggu - Akim

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: nothing

35. Most visited webpage: blogger

36. What's your real name: Hazrati Zaini

37. Nicknames: hatie

38. Relationship Status: single

39. Zodiac sign: cancer

40. Male or female : female

41. Elementary?: SKTE, Unity Point Elementary School

42. Middle School?: SMKTE, SMKSSAAS

43. High school/college?: Kolej Matrikulasi Johor, UiTM Perak, UiTM Shah Alam

44. Hair colour: what's the point of wearing tudung if you can imagine what my hair looks like.

45. Long or short: same as above.

46. Height: 157

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: nope

48: What do you like about yourself?: the sensitivity in me

49. Piercings: ear

50. Tattoos: never

51. Righty or lefty: righty

51b. Innie or Outie: innie

FIRSTS :

52. First surgery: 19 January 2006

53. First piercing: entah. 1st grade?

54. First best friend: Suzai

55. First sport you joined: Basketball

56. First vacation: entah. memory loss.

58. First pair of trainers: apekah?

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Blueberry muffin

60. Drinking: air masak

61. I'm about to: bukak excel kira carrymark

62. Listening: favorite playlist. as always.

63. Waiting: a friend request

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: yup

65. Get Married?: yup

66. Career?: lecturer

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: eyes

68. Hugs or kisses: kisses

69. Shorter or taller: taller

70. Older or Younger: older

71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: nice arms

73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive

74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship.

75. Trouble-maker or hesitant: trouble-maker

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: nope

77. Drank hard liquor: never

78. Lost glasses/contacts: always

79. Sex on first date : nope

80. Broken someone's heart: yup

82. Been arrested: nope

83. Turned someone down: yup

84. Cried when someone died: depends on who

85. Fallen for a friend?: yup

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: yup

87. Miracles: yup

88. Love at first sight: nope

89. Heaven: yup

90. Santa Claus: never .

91. Kiss on the first date: nope

92. Angels: yup

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: nope. honesty is a precious key

95. Did you sing today?: yup

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: yup

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: during my childhood days

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: 03 December 2009

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: currently yes.

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: yup

ps: malas nak tag anyone. haha. asek jawab yup, nope, never. tuh malas la namanya. hee ;P

a persona.

started off the morning feeling a bit dull.
dun ask whose face appeared in my dream last nite.
=.=

at noon, a fren of mine, invite
for an open hse @ D'Kayangan.
yela tuh. umah org kaya2 tuh. haha.
rasenye out of sume org yg park situh,
aku je kot yg pakai kancil gi open hse. huu~~
well, it turned out to be a great day.
pegi accompanied ngan 2 org. thanks teman ;)
and yeah, we enjoyed your lifetime stories. hee ;P
makanan superb. hee :D

on my way, i saw a scene of a terrible accident.
kat depan bus stop sec 2 tuh.
dunno what had happened, i just glanced for a few secs,
then just drive off. gipun byk kete, xleh nak usha lama2
kang aku pulak kne langgar. huu~
i saw a persona remuk. and then ade ambulance.
uhuh.
hari ini aku memandu dgn penuh berhati-hati.
sebab takut accident? ye jugak.
tapi sbnrnye risau, sbb brake aku mcm da kurang mkn.
huu~

arrived home. penat.
cehh. padehal dekat jek. haha.
treat myself with an ice-cream and M&M's yg aku sgt craving hari ape ntah. haha.
pastu bantai tido. padehal keje melambak. huhu.
and baru bangun. seb bek tersedar aku blom
Isyak agi. huhu~

better get goin.
i got better things to do rather than
ngadap my cik som every single day. haha. tau pon.




ps: kpd pemandu WRB ape ntah. silalah berhati-hati. aku tgk persona mesti ingat kau. tak kesahla kau memandu ke kau jadik pejalan kaki ke, just be careful dear :)

hari malaysia aku.

spring cleaning day :)
i love how my room smells lemon. hee.
thx sis for a packet of potpourri!

remember how i always say people always leave?
well, now it's not a who. it's an it.
my pc da mati.
i tried hidupkan dia, but it won't wake up.
i dunno what went wrong.
riwayat hidup tamat, probably?
huu~
eventho itu adalah pc pinjam from abgku,
still, i heart jugak la. byk mende i kept inside.
and bukan sume i did a backup pon.
huu~

now, it is just stranded by the wall at a corner in my bedroom.
luckily, abahku lemme borrow his lappy.
i need a computer to do my freelance job,
bukan facebooking 24/7 ekk. haha ;P

ohh. i da ingat.
nak cite yg cite merlin is getting interesting.
i knew dat the dragon would come in handy one day. hee~
seriously, cant wait for the next epi this saturday :)
and oth. it's the other way around.
although mmg lah i'm quite anxious to know
what rili did happen to clay and guin.
but, the show started off this season with a bit lame~
tuh pendapat aku jela. so lame~ here referring to,
do you rili need to hav an every minute scene of romance?
ok. i know it's a romantic series. still, ohh so cliche.

ok. byk plak bebel kan.
haha.
hey, aku ade buat perkara yg sungguh
mengarut tadik. haha.
aku gi google nama aku sendiri.
try it out lah..
see for yourself. hehe. mcm2 ade.
tergelak aku tgk nama2 aku serata dunia ade.
kat malaysia ok lagik la, sume girls je.
masok arab2 tuh dah, it's a guy name. huhu~
sila la try google. tapi bukan nama aku lah.
nama korang la. hee~
you'll be surprise to know how famous ur name really is. hehe :D




Hari Malaysia,

syukur masih berpijak ditanah milik org. =.=

from scofield to redfield.

again.
uitm sepi.
sume staff xnak blk keje ka?
haih.
bz di opis key in carrymark mereka.
at lunch hour,
cabut pegi tonton salah seorg aku punye heartthrob. haha.
super wednesday everyone. ape lagi. hee ;P

Resident Evil: Afterlife, syok gak r! i enjoyed it =)
hero prison break berlakon. huhu. ske ske!~~
he's the perfect guy for the role. prison break again? hee.
well, looking forward to another sequel~

prison break da lama tamat.
merlin and one tree hill masih kat dlm list torrent. huu. cepat sket bleh?
smallville premieres 24th sept. cant wait! the finale season i'll be watching CK :(
yeah. tv series is back!






3 magic words,

unheard.

uitm yg sepi.

roti canai + teh ais.
nama, restoran ceria. the only kedai yg bukak. huh.

kotak hijau.
melalak bersama rkn sekerja yg sgt berbakat ngn lagu2 sedeynye. hehe

pizza hut.
last choice. old town nmpk mase nk balik. ceh.

jalan2 carik kete kat car park.
haha. lupe park katne. mmg penat mencarik. huhh.

itulah hari aku yg warna-warni :)



ps: bln pose da abes. leh la kembali pada karok n movieeee. ngeeee :p

n e w s :)

Salam Aidilfitri everyone!

back here in shah alam already.
spent a great aidilfitri with family and relatives in Kedah ",

i'll update my raya stories later k,
sebab ade satu gambar i nak share with u people.
gambar aku? huhu. gambar lemang la. haha.
lemang made by us. hee ",

hmm..wondering what news i'm gonna share?
cerita datuk kne bakar?
cerita si paderi yg tangguh nk bakar Quran?
uhuh. tuh je 2 cerita bakar yg aku tau.
yg aku nak cerita bukan berita2 di atas. kalo awak semua nak
tahu google jela, belambak sumber2 yg menceritakan
berita2 di atas. hee.

ape ek?
haha. rahsia.
huhu. serupa xyah kecoh kan? hee :p

i got a great news today. one word. alhamdulillah~
and i'm hoping for another great news in a couple of months. inshaAllah~

i hope what i had decided is the right path.
i dunno which path is the right one.
all i can do is berdoa moga ia adalah yang terbaik buat aku.

ape2 pun, deep down inside.
i know i shouldn't. but, i insist in doing so.
bukan kerana kau.
aku ulang sekali lagi.
bukan kerana kau.
aku memilih kerana
akulah pembuat keputusan.
apa kau mahu fikir itu
belakang cerita.
aku tak mahu fikir sebab nanti
otak aku semak.
aku cuma tahu
aku hendak mencapai
kejayaan yang belum aku
kecapi dahulu.
kalau ditakdirkan kau
menjadi sebahagian drpd bakal
kejayaan aku, aku akan senyum.
jika tidak, aku akan senyum jua,
kerana itu kejayaan aku.

ohh man~
i always merepek here in shadows of mine.
as if i am speaking to sumone.
whom eventually, isnt reading anymore.
well, my bad~
my finger still wanna type nonsense. haha.
itulah tujuan berblogging kan?
merepek 24/7. haha :D



berita gembira,

surat berdaftar :)

i talk a lot. hee :)

Ramadhan has come to its end..
Honestly, i felt really sad
because i didn't make most of time
in this holy month to pay
for the price ticket to heaven.
Unlike every other years...
Well, i guess i do have to
adjust my time of being a workaholic
gal for next Ramadhan.
Will i be there for next Ramadhan?
InshaAllah~

One R is saying gudbye,
the other R is making their way to share the happiness.
it's RAYA people!
Eventhough, this raya aidilfitri
doesn't seem like a raya, here i'm referring
to the preparation. can i say zero? ok, tipulah. adela
10% only. hee.
I'm hoping for a colorful Raya with dearest family and friends ^_^

I better start packing.
Plans had been changed at the very last minute.
Ok, blame my freelance job.
In the end, it's me who doesn't hav the chance
to even go for my shopping raya.

Since abah is feeling feverish this morning,
I wouldn't want to burden him
with me whining to go for a shopping raya later in
the morning.
Instead, i just simply said, "pakai jelah ape yg ader.."
and he replied, " gud girl."
ahaks. i didn't even feel anything. haha.
well, it hasn't been the mood of nak-raya-sgt-sampai-nak-hepi-bergaya-gile-kan.
hanya kerana....? gaji takde. sekian. haha.

so, before i'm off on my journey heading up North,
i just wanna say out loud here
SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI
and of course,
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.
for sure lah,
i made mistakes all the time.
so for those whom i've hurt in the past and present,
i do apologize for everything.
Please forgive all my wrongdoings.
Only because i am one imperfect human being.
and yah, you are too. hee :p

Will be writing here again as soon as i'm
back here in Shah Alam.
Well, it's raya. The door is open
for anyone to come and raya at my home.
But please la call. otherwise, i would still be in bed.
haha. how i wish i would be. hee ;P

I'm gonna miss cik som badly.
Ya Rabbi pjg gile post. mcm aku nak pegi berjuang kat perang mane jek. ngee :D
seriously yah.
i'm sure i'm gonna be pretty melancholic during pagi raya.
as always. and this year, well let's just put a period there.
if i'm here, surely i would spend my time writing
all those melancholic moment down here right?
well, i guess i'm just gonna keep it to myself.
the number 24 isn't just a two digit.
i need to start being independent, internally i mean.
inshaAllah~








ps: rindu gitarku. rindu my D4D6. haha. doakan aku selamat sampai kg. i'm gonna be driving abah's volvo. scary. haha.

Islam :)

Discover the beauty of Al-Quran
while you still have the chance
to breathe in this beautiful world of Allah's creation.
May our life always lead to Islam. InshaAllah~

Klik Sini

kepala hotak kau.

"jangan kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebalang"


aku tak faham.
tapi tidak mengapalah.
yg dah berlalu biarkan.
aku cuma risau.

jgn kerana salah faham
persahabatan kita
yg jadi mangsa.

aku tahu aku salah.
tapi tak bermaksud
aku akan terus dipandang hina.

aku juga masih seperti dulu.
seorang yang masih perlukan
kau sebagai kawan.

aku harap.
masa akan menyebelahi aku.
aku sudah memberi masa yg begitu lama.
aku cuma rindu kau, kawanku~

aku mencuba sedaya upaya.
utk lupakan segalanya.
percayalah,
segalanya akan lebih
mudah berlalu
bila kau menjadi
kau yang mula aku kenal dulu.







kepala hotak kau,

aku rindu ungkapan itu.

iftar gath ",

akan aku ingat sampai bila2.
ingat apa?
berbuka di pizza hut pada pukul 9.
uhuh.
disbbkan servis pekerja disituh yg tersgt excellent.
order at 7 and dpt at 9. ngoks!
ehh. aku bru teringat. neh first time aku msok
pizza hut balik. haha. see, aku da lupe. da move on, yay!
ok, abaikan. iklan. haha.
hari neh iftar with the ex-classmate.
ramai yg xdpt dtg. tapi to those who came,
thanks! it was nice catching up stories
with u people. although balik2, the word yang
i heard in the conversation tak len tak bukan, MODULE. ohh.
haha. alergik r word tuh. nk give up je rase keje tuh.
bak kate kwn aku, review ngn jpk mmg tensen.
dah kata, jabatan pening kepala. haha :p
kesimpulan, jgn pergi pizza hut section 7.
bleh kot dtg, bila pekerja dia da cukop. haha :D


tibe2
nak
tulih
mende
mengarot
agak2
tanak
bace
takyah
scroll
tak
suruh
pon


aku terfikir.
tadi.
semasa memandu pulang ke rumah.
selalu begitu.
lagi2 pabila aku takut keseorangan di mlm hari.
aku.
aku.
aku.
tak seperti orang lain.
yang tak boleh hidup
dlm negara bayang2.
aku dah lama tinggal di negara itu.
aku selesa.
sgt selesa.
aku pernah keluar dgn harapan
tidak kembali.
tapi aku kembali jua.
lebih elok aku tinggal
lama sedikit kali ini.
aku suke. negara bayang2 aku
indah di mata aku.
aku kasihan sama orang itu.
yang tidak dpt tinggal dlm negara bayang2
walaupun sehari.
tidak perlu utk kita keluar dari negara itu
kalau kita belum bersedia.


ntah apekan aku merepek kat atas tuh.
aku rindu seorang kawan.
aku tak suke hilang kawan.
sbb aku tak reti.
sbb tak penah aku ade kawan yg anggap aku musuh.
huu~










ape yg dicari,

tiada disini.

cik som. saye penat.

yesterday.
hari driving sedunia.

today.
hari duduk-depan-pc sedunia.

tomorrow.
hari tak-tido sedunia.

day after tomorrow.
hari kritik sedunia.

conclusion.
nak pinjam pintu doraemon, gi tempat jauh dari kl bleh tak?




dugaan Ramadhan,

aku redha.

chord yg susah.

dari pagi ke malam.

sungguh penat.

mcm2 berlaku dlm tempoh hampir 24 jam. uhh.

sampai tak larat nk type.

ok. tibe2 mcm nak dgr lagu neh.

yga :)





si pemain gitar,

tiada.

a colorful day :) :) :)

quite a hectic morning.
running some errands here and there.
thx to a fren who's willing enuf to accompany me
running from one bank to another. huhu~

iftar with my sweet darls!
unfortunately yan n diana couldn't make it.
but it was fun just the three of us + amal ",
i received a kad raye!! hee. excited. lama dah xdpt kad raye yg ori ;P
and a souvenir all the way from sarawak! thanks all :)

today is my last gudbye.
and guess what, one of their
group presentation was the best among all
of my students. and i'm glad they
did a great job.
i enjoyed it so much ^_^

i dunno what the future will write for me.
but i do hope i'll still be teaching at Faculty of Law.
i'm so gonna miss that place..
and of course, them. those that i heart at this moment ",

i hate gudbye.
and yeah, one of my fave phrase, people always leave.

next week gonna be a tough week. ohh~
baju raye pon x beli agi. apela nasibku..
busy with my freelance job yg tgh kejar dateline.
ngan nk settle kan students carrymarks.
pastu dgn my master application, 15th sept due date.
ohh. dahla remeh tul nk kene anta tuh neh byr agi.
bru pas isi borang. upenye mcm2 agi kne wat. ohh~
bile ntah nk settle. huu~ n one more, aku tak amek
agi exam toefl,ielts. leh ke apply master? :-?







ps: he waved and smiled from faraway. and aku tahan je nk nanges. tibe2 teringat first time mengajar dia kat lab. uhuh. and i'm gonna miss his handwriting saying "i will smile" on his paper.
ohh. i'm being so melancholic rite? T.T

T.T

rili, deep down inside..
i cried out loud inside.

dunno how to put into words.

tomolo is the last one.
the last gudbye i've to go through.

ohh~~

luckily there's cik som.
i guess whenever in days ahead,

i'll be missing them badly,
i'll just write some of the precious memories i had with them..




their smiles made my heart smiled,

i meant every word.

mereka =)

a great day with them :) :) :)

i enjoyed their presentation.

i rili do. thanks for all the laughter ^_^

i'll cherish the memories in heart.

rili gonna miss u people T.T

my days won't be the same anymore...

without you guys~



happiness,

the sound of their giggles ",

c e a::

cause: a dream filled with hatred.

effect: emotion disorder.

action: reading through older posts.


it's ONLY a dream.
but hey,
it had already became a reality.

hi sept.

dari section ke section
finally, baru jumpe jua aiskrimku.

dari jam ke jam
finally, baru finish donlod flash CS5.

hari yg bukan merdeka bagi aku.
selagi kerja freelance neh tak siap,
mmg terseksa. argh.
hari merdeka pon kene gi kerje, tak merdeka lah kan?

hari yg pnuh ngan tekan emergency brake.
sila salahkan mereka yg bodoh2 kat jln raya tuh.
mmg bodohla kan ade patut tibe2 benti kat tgh2 jalan.
mmg benti tak bersebab.
ngok! nak kata P tak pulak. adoi.

dahla.
mahu buka fridge.
dan mkn aiskrim yang i so am
craving for since last nite
and abeskan marking paper.
another nite of staying up.
as always.
dari jadik student smpai jadik
pekerja yg tak dijaga kebajikan
oleh majikan. oops.
mmg takde rehat.
xyah cite bykla.
date konvo da kua.
thesis hardcover tak buat2.
bile ntah nak submit.
procrastinate. err, yang tak sengaja ok. hee :p

byk plak aku bebel kat cik som neh.
tersgt penat kot.
mane lagik nk ngeluh kan. sineh la tmptnye.
maaplah kalo readers yg bace pon
turut penat membace.
kalo tak suke sila jgn view dan bace hingga akhir.
haha.

terasa mcm nk akhiri ngan pantun.
jgn gelak ok, ini amatur nye version.

kais pagi makan pagi
kais ptg mkn ptg
kalo da kawan pon tak sudi
ape kes asek singgah dan dtg?

pagi yg terik
mlm yg gelita
aku da serik
silalah jgn buta

enjin kete kadang mampus
tuan drebar suka cuak
silalah berambus
aku da muak.


new month,

the same 'ol me.

bummer.

aku terperangkap.
aku mahu pulang.
dengan,
s e g e r a~~~~

aku hilang mood utk
berbicara mengenai hariku.

sungguh,
mengantuk.
haha.

hepi iftar everyone ;)



terang,

tapi masih buta.

masa.

pagi yang agak...
entahlah. adela when those moments came..
ape yg leh aku simpulkan.
aku terkilan.
aku seolah-olah dah mati utknya.
apela kan. aku hidup lagi.
aku hidup lagi.
aku hidup lagi.
knape, nk tngu aku da mati ke bru
nk anggap aku kawan?

mende yg pernah matikan perasaan aku,
yg telah beri aku seakan titik noktah
dlm kehidupan, kembali semula.
aku takut.
sgt. yer, terlalu takut.
aku tanak lalui semua itu lagi.
nanti aku da seakan takde semangat utk hidup.
nampak sgt aku lemah bukan?
aku juga manusia yg tidak sempurna.
ada berita-berita yg tak mampu
badan aku terima. dan aku harap
berita itu tak akan berulang.
cukuplah apa aku dah rasa pada
zaman aku hidup di asrama dahulu kala.
jgnlah ia berulang lagi.
ia mungkin berlaku lagi.
if yes it does happen,
ur dream is gonna be true.
coz i'll be long gone. far away~

ape saye merepek di perenggan kedua di atas,
tak pyh la sape2 nk teka meneka.
wat penat otak je pikir. hee~
ape2 pon those thingy came back this Ramadhan,
and every single day it keeps winding in my head.
but luckily, thanks to them for today.
i laughed a lot with them.
they made me forgot bout those thingy.
sampai blk keje
tgh drive pon aku masih tersenyum
teringatkan gelagat mereka
masa group presentation ptg tadik.
sgt kelaka. hehe =D
entah kenape,
arini aku sedih walaupun aku byk gelak.
sbb those laughter gonna end soon.
and i'm so gonna miss them :(
seriously.
omg, i heart u ppl sgt sgt sgt ",
i'm sure once it's time for gudbye,
there'll be a special post for them
in shadows of mine~




timeless,

for every breath.

me.

saya
adalah kenangan lalu.
saya
adalah kenangan kini.
saya
adalah kenangan bakal dicipta.
walau siapa pun saya
tak mungkin
saya akan
cipta kenangan yang sama.
sebab setiap kenangan itu
sangat unik dan istimewa.
jika sama, hilanglah keunikannya.


ape aku merepek la tghari2 buta neh.
huhu.
aku baru dapat tahu.
lama dah, cuma baru perasan.
i'm no longer a special memory.
because most of my memories has redundant details.
ouch, it hurts to know.
coz till now,
not even a single memory
hav i hav the guts to
make a photocopy.
a new memory should be a fresh start.
not a shadow of the past memories~


perlu ke,

hanya dia tahu.

need much.

aku kurus.
dia gemuk.
tapi aku syg dia.
sampai bila2.
sebab dia kawan aku.
khas tuk ko.
si gemuk yg ngada
nak gi bazaar tadik.
haha :p


kosong,

adalah satu digit.

pass. fail.

kepalaku da pusing2
mcm tornado dlm movie tuh.
kerana ape?
menanda test mereka.
ohh~ sungguh kecewa.
mcm2 version jawapan ada.
pening aku nk bg markah.
~~~

today sabtu!
one of my BFFs is coming home :)
x sbr nk jmpe next week. heeeeeeee~~

oklah. xleh update pjg2.
pile of works menanti.
uhuh. hate bile da msok
zon tersgt busy. huu~

ohh lupe.
i had a nice time shopin raye
with my sis semalam.
tp aku mcm takde mood sket.
so xbeli sgt pon.
ye r. aku kan tak suke gi tmpt
yg sgt ramai manusia.
nk jln pon tersekat-sekat. huu~
so akan ade lagi next episode
shopin raye next week. hee~
aku terkilan xpat beli baju pelangi
smlm. atas sebab jahitan dia kureng sket.
dah x dpt pelangi, aku beli warna putih je.
emo, xdpt pelangi, angkat putih je sng. haha.





now i know,

it cost 50 bucks rather than 15 cents.

the view~

the view is nice.
in the morning.

the view is great.
in the evening.

the view is magnificent.
in the night.

the view
is her dream.
the shadows
would walk by the sea.
all she did is
just standing faraway
looking at the view through
her window,
with the crystals of hers
accompanying every second~





people changed,

for the better.

janji.

love driving tonight.
the moon
accompanied me
all the way on the road.
so beautiful~

today, i enjoyed watching
the movie with them
in class ",
i rili do.
thanks for those who came.
although tomorrow is a public holiday.

iftar with a friend at a nearby place.
saw a group of my students sitting
beside my table.
although the dish was so freaking late,
but it was tasty i tell ya. hee :)



a promise,

are not just words.

jari-jemari.

aku tak suke.
dgn pemandangan yg bru shj aku lihat
di jalan raya.
aku terpandang seorang motorcyclist
yg bwk motor mcm hape, tak tgk
kiri kanan tibe2 nak salahkan pemandu
kete lak. ape kes? pemandu tersebut bukan
aku yer. harap maklum.
aku sekadar meluahkan ape yg terlihat, terasa.
yg lagi indah nye pemandangan aku ini,
motorcyclist itu dgn tidak ada segan silu malu dan yg
sewaktu dgnnye nak tunjukkan kemarahan
dia pulak. padehal salah diri sendiri. isk. ape la punye orang.
mcmane dia tnjukkn? biaselah, ape lagik.
tunjuk his middle finger lah kat pemandu kereta tuh.
tak pyhla sibuk2 nk show off ur middle finger tuh.
lagi2 tatkala it's ur own fault.
just because u're pissed, a middle finger isn't a solver.
mcmlah, dia sorang ade middle finger.
semua manusia yg sempurna ada jugak.
so xpyh la nk tnjuk2.
gunekanlah tangan dan jari yg dikurniakan
tuh tuk mende2 kebaikan yg lain.
bersyukur lah ade jari tgh tuh. kalo takde,
tentu payah kan nk genggam. huhu~

ok. luahan sebagai rakyat sebagai pengguna jalan raya bersama
sudah hampir tamat. tapi belum lagi. haha.
to conclude, sorry for those yg terasa.
it's just my point of view.
respect others and you'll get the same amount of respect.




pelangi yg hilang,

aku mencari.

aBLANKday.

dunno how to define the day i went through.
let's just leave it a blank.

a BLANK day. ikut suka lah nak isi. good ke. bad ke. sad ke. happy ke. ikotlah~

a hectic day.
went to serdang for a meeting.
refuse to elaborate more on the meeting cause i dun wanna end up
being in an emotional state.
but the journey was nice.
aku rindu tido dlm train. hee :p

unforch, i didnt get back on time.
sbb aku sesat. aduh.
leh plak drive pi smpai ke klang.
so my lab class had to be cancel out.
poor them. mesti da ready nk present today.
ehh yeke? bukan student suke sgt ke kalo cancel class. hee :p
wallahualam~ sebab this one class, their attendance
never gave me headache. dlm erti kata laen,
sumenye rajin2 belaka dtg kelas. huhu.

as always towards the end of the day,
they cheered me up.
i had another class in the evening.
they made me forgot bout the whole a-blank-day.
tapi. adelah. setiny yg mungkin parts in my heart.
a bit terasa. yes. it did scratched a bit.
they shouldnt hav done that.
eventho my subject is not a core subject,
but at least a respect would be nice.
not towards me. i gained that from all of them.
but the respect for the subject itself.
the subject dat they are gonna take the final examination
on the 25th Sept. huu~
me, well what can i say.
i heart them, and i guess i spoiled them too much?
my bad~



ade ketika,

aku perlu bahu.

hari yg pahit.

there are weeks in a month
where independent is such an easy thing.

but there are still days in a week
where independent is such a hard thing.

there are minutes in an hour
where smiles is all that is needed.

but there are seconds in a minute
where a shoulder is all that is needed.






trail of obstacles,

their laughter had drifted away the past 12-hour bad news.

say NO to next week.

every single day.
an iftar with the family.

kurma.
air zam2.
and other delicious meals.

a l h a m d u l i l l a h~
syukur.

today i realize sumthing.
i heart them so much.
dunno if i am able to go through next week.
my LAST week with them T_T
rase lain je nanti tak ngajar dieorg dah.
miss them? haruslah :)
every class had their own unique way of touching my heart inside.
and i heart all of them ",
for giving me their smiles ^_^



perfect days,

the day they came.

choc ;)

guess what i'm eating right now?

chocolate!

hee ",

a gift from my students. how niceeee. thanks guys ;)

byk kerja. sedey :(

marking test 2, asemen..

nak kira carry mark bagai neh. uhuh.

i took a few minutes break from work.

maen guitar saye!

lama dah tak men. hehe

saye tak reti maen mimpi yg sempurna mcm pro.

uhuh~

home.

terkejut for a few secs..
seriously.

but as soon as i heard..
ohh~
hampa.

it was a friend of mine.
who just happen
to live in his neighborhood.
which explains why
the numbers are almost alike.

apelah. tgk mulelah tah pape.
mmg ari neh tah pape pon.
i just got back from my office.
keje on a sunday?
ade things to settle sket.

oklah, off to dapur.
looking forward for
an iftar with the love ones :)



petang yg tak berangin,

aku hampa.

org tua :)

it started with me
being in a committee..
and he's the project manager ",

and up til now,
he's there.
but not always.
we shared stories a lot.
there are still stuffs
i dun share with him
but, he comforts me enuf ;)

used to call him pakcik a lot
in those days. haha.
and now remains my best friend
hope we'll last being close. hee~

dia tak penah pon bace blog aku.
so tade r dia nk termuntah kan
tgk ade one post khas tuk dia.
haha :D



always gimme laughter,

dua org tua, pakcikku n atokku =p

ujian.

everything went well.
the test i meant.
thanks a million
for those yang sudi help me out
at the very last minute.
cik esah, cik kiza, pakcikku, and lagenda ;)
sonok x dpt pegang title lecturer baru?
heee ;P

i smiled a lot today.
seeing of all their faces just made my day more colorful! ^_~
although most of them punye muka mmg muke tersgtlah stress menjawab. huhu.
sorry guys, biaselah tuh...parts of a learning process.

in the morning.
i got startled by a question.
a serious one.
but sorry to say,
my answer is very simple.
takde. tanak.
and the conversation just stop there.
i just ain't ready for a serious talk.

alrite, i'm off for
terawih.
selamat menjalani ibadah everyone ",




kadang-kala,

hipokrit itu terpaksa.

hari lahir.

soalan itu sudah tidak bermakna.
jauh disudut hati kecil aku ini
memang sedikit terasa.
tapi apakan daya,
kita hidup bermasyarakat, bukan?
aku iyakan aje.
tapi, yer aku
sedikit kecewa
soalan pertama aku gubal
tidak bermakna lagi padaku
kerana aku tiada sebab utk
senyum seindah pelangi.
tidak mengapalah.
aku mahu pejam mata rapat2
dan lupakan saja.
ia hanyalah soalan.
berbaris-baris ayat yang dipenuhi
dgn huruf dan noktah.

semasa selesai terawih yg agak istimewa mlm ini..
istimewa sbb adek Muhammad jadik imam.
alunan ayat suci Al-Quran dia sungguh indah.
masih terngiang-ngiang ditelinga aku.
ok. nak cerita. patah balik.
pas solat terawih aku duduk
di satu sudut di masjid yg sungguh indah dimataku.
menunggu.
sambil tunggu, aku terfikir.
bukan fikir.
aku terkilan sebenar-benarnya.
sepanjang hidup aku
iaitu selama 24 tahun.
aku tidak pernah merasa.
sekali pon tidak pernah.
sayang sekali.
aku tidak pernah berpeluang
berterawih dgn seseorg.
aku tidak tahu mengapa.
aku cuba utk ingat kembali.
tapi ternyata perkara yg da jauh berlalu
dgn usia aku yg begitu muda tika itu,
maka aku tak boleh ingat kembali
perkara2 yg berthun lamanya.
yer, aku terkilan.
aku tidak pernah merasa.
seperti org lain.
setiap mlm aku berterawih perasaan itu akan dtg
tatkala aku pusing ke kanan ke kiri
semua orang........
dan aku. masih terperangkap dlm negara bayang2 yg aku sendiri cipta.
ohh~
Ya Allah, aku redha dgn ketentuanMu. Sesungguhnya, yang dtg dariMu adalah yg terbaik buat diriku..~

tipulah kalau aku lupa.

aku belum amnesia.

aku masih ingat tarikh yang membolehkan

jantung aku berhenti denyut satu saat.

tapi, aku mahu lupakan.

aku tidak mahu mengimbau kenangan

pahit itu lagi.



ruang sepi,

aku masih ingat.

esok.

Lirik Dan Bila Esok - Sofaz

Di dalam hati selalu tersimpan
rasa yang takkan pernah bisa ku ungkapkan
kau diam tanpa kata
saatku ungkap semua rasa

Di saat ku ingin dekat denganmu
kau semakin jauh meninggalkanku
dan kau diam tanpa kata
saatku ucap semua rasa

Dan bila esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada ruang di dalam hatimu
tuk cinta yang pernah kita miliki
tuk selama-lamanya

Dan bila esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada waktu untuk mencinta dirimu
tuk bisa menjagai hati ini
tuk selama-lamanya

Mungkinkah esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada ruang di dalam hatiku
untuk cinta yang pernah engkau miliki
untuk selama-lamanya

Dan bila esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada ruang di dalam hatimu
untuk cinta yang pernah kita miliki
tuk selama-lamanya

Dan bila esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada waktu untuk mencinta dirimu
untuk bisa menjagai hati ini
tuk selama-lamanya

Dan bila esok kita kan bertemu kembali
masihkah ada ruang di dalam hatimu

Untuk cinta yang pernah kita miliki tuk selama-lamanya



ps: esok. selamat menjawab kepada mereka kesayanganku ",

d a r k~

it's dark.
not the room.
the light are already bright enough.

it's dark.
not because it is already night.
it's only 11:36 in the morning.

it's dark.
not the skin color.
he's fair enough in her eyes.

it's dark.
not because of the blackout.
the electricity are just fine.

it's dark.
it's dark.
it's dark.

the hour.
the atmosphere.
the soul.


not-so-darkest-hour,

the internal me.

pertama.

masa tgh tunggu dlm surau
utk solat terawih,
fikiran saye melayang entah ke mana.
tak dinafikan perkara-perkara duniawi
tetap bermain di dlm fikiran saya.
adalah sesuatu. mengenai pelajar saya.
saya tahu kerja jgn dibawa balik ke
rumah. tapi saya tetap ingat sepanjang hari semlm.
mungkinkah kerana saye terlebih risau akan
mereka?
selain perkara duniawi,
byk juga perkara lain yg saya fikirkan.
mulalah insaf seketika.
saya berada di dalam rumah Allah.
macam2 saya fikirkan.
kebykannya dosa2 yg kian hari kian
menggunung. doa. doa. doa.
hari2 saye berdoa padaNya.
smlm sy berdoa, telekung saye bau sungguh
wangi. hee. bau softlan ;P

smlm balik terawih dlm kete
radio memekak lagu.
teringat dia.
pagi neh pulak sempena dj anne nk benti
ade lagu sedey lagik.
teringat pulak dia.
ok. dia di atas adalah dua manusia yg sgt berbeza.
tapi sempurna di mata aku
suatu ketika dahulu.

aku masih ingat.
cerita aku dan kau.
cerita aku dan dia.
aku cuma boleh senyum
dan redha
aku tidak ada jodoh dgn kalian.
moga berbahagia sentiasa :)


masa cepat lari,

aku yang lambat.

dwmy.

a day

a week

a month

a year

enough.

aku tak terkilan lagik.

sebab aku dah lalui

semua itu.

hari.

minggu.

bulan.

dan tahun.

again,

aku tak rasa bersalah

dan terkilan.

babble. bebel. samalah.

my smiles had gone.
the minute they started mourning.
ohh~
try harder this saturday alrite ",

got back late evening.
still managed to make one of my fave kueh, kueh cara :)
yummy~~
i hate kueh cara yang jual kat bazaar2. xsuke sbb terlebih hijau.
nmpk sgt bergallon perisa ape dia hentam dlm kueh itu. adeh~
so better buat sendiri lagi pueh hati. hee ",

aku check inbox aku.
berkali-kali arini.
mana? mana?
aku da ckp kan.
pandai2 la send wahai kawan2 kesygan aku.
kalo lambat nnt balik2 yg kene maki ngn org atasan
tak lain tak bukan aku.

aku da muak la mark paper.
seriously. i got one more class to go.
next week test 2 pulak.
ehm, i'm short with one person
nak teman jaga test.
siapa yg sudi?
tgk la sape2 yg jd mangsa aku nnt.
haha. maap la. xde gaji keje ari sabtu.
sekadar menulun aku.
walaupon aku sedar. terlebih sedar sbnrnye
tade ape di dunia ini yg percuma.
uhuh.

tadik aku lepas rindu kat guitar aku.
mule lah nk berjiwa-jiwa tulisan aku neh.
bersedialah ek wahai pembace sekalian.

i've found a way.
but seriously, do forgive me.
it's not a great way. seriously not.
but so far it worked out fine.
but if one day,
you felt dull and slowly turning into
a stupid human being.
do blame me. yeah my fault.
because i've been cursing you
most of the times.
i don't mean to.
no. you know i dont.
it's just a way.
for me to forget.
forget who?
you lah.
get away from cik som, will ya?
jgnlah terlebih buat tak faham
yang kau tak faham aku tukar url sbb kau.




hurtful days,

a wind passing by.

dizzy.

kepala aku pusing2.
demam lagi barangkali.
tadik aku kene hujan.
janganlah demam.
aku bosan.
bile demam.
balik2 atas katil nanti
aku ngigau.
panggil nama yg mmg tak wujud dah.
tahap mereng sudah sgt dewa bukan?
ok. aku nak telan.
biji paracetemol yang masih tinggal.
dan hanyut dlm mimpi aku.
macam lagu FT baru tuh.
hanyut. agak best. layan lah.
lirik tak best.
aku benci lagu lirik yg seakan
eh-kau-tak-phm2-ke-makne-it-is-over
those kind of song. haha.
tapi melodi and suare FT tetap mantap.
hee. ok. ubat. lagu hanyut. selamat malam kalian.
eh lupe. aku rindu guitar aku.
mahu petik dululah. eh malas lah.
tibe2 takde mood pulak aku nk berjiwa-jiwa petik gitar aku.



mlm yg sama,

aku nak pengsan.

flip flop.

quite surprised.
how did they managed to find out bout cik som?
hmm....~
i wonder..
well, to my dear fellow students..
welcome to my blog.
enjoy ur reading.
and dont kecoh2 tau. hee ;P

aku mahu berbicara
mengenai misteri selipar hilang.
sungguh misteri.
selipar siape?
aku lah.
yang pelik lagi ajaib lagi ape2 lah
yang ilang sebelah kanan sahaja.
pelik hilang dlm kete.
mmg selipar itu aku tinggal dlm kete,
tapi kini yg tinggal dlm kete hanyalah
sebelah kiri sahaja. yang kanan
sudah tidak wujud lagik.
ke mana ia pergi?
aku tidak tahu menahu.
dah ilang. aku dahla sayang jugak la
selipar itu. uhuh.
itu ajelah ceritanya.
tak misteri mane pon kan.
saje je.


aku mahu terus menaip.
tapi..
aku risau.
nanti aku akan taip
perkara yang bukan-bukan.
bukan-bukan itu adalah kau.
yer, memang.
kau adalah bukan-bukan hidup aku.
aku mahu lupakan kau.
kenapa aku ini adalah manusia
yang kurang pandai? alah, ape sangat nak tapis ayat.
senang cerita kenapa aku ni bodoh sangat.
haa. baru sedap sikit ayat.
bodoh lah.
kalau dibicarakan pada sesiapa pon akan
sependapat.
jangan terus jadi bodoh.
dia satu saat pon tak fikir mengenai
kewujudan kau, atie.
jadi, lupekanlah.
aku nak lupa.
aku nak lupa.
aku nak lupa.
sebab..
aku penat ingat kau.
kau penat ingat orang lain.
kesimpulan.
aku masih bodoh,
sebab aku terfikir
nak fikirkan kau.



cuaca mendung,

aku terkilan.

tiada tajuk.

mata aku.
melihat kotak tv.
yang dipenuhi dgn warna
hijau merah dan kuning.
entah kenapa.
malam ini aku menonton.
tetapi fikiran aku melayang
ke segala pelusuk mane pon
aku tidak pasti.
cuma ada satu yang berjaya
menangkap fikiran aku satu minit.
nombor 37. jarang sekali aku
nampak pemain memakai
no kegemaran aku itu.
siapa dia. entah. kan sudah aku bilang
fikiran aku melayang bagai layang2.
cuma mata aku sahaja yang
masih terbuka memandang kotak tv.

hari minggu sudah berakhir.
aku tidak mahu esok menjelma.
tidak. ohh tidak.
hati aku meronta-ronta jerit
tidak pada hari bekerja.
jantung aku pula sudah abis teriak
menandakan betapa aku
malas mahu bekerja esok.

mesyuarat keluarga suda selesai
hampir sejam yang lalu.
aku tumpang gembira dgn
plan raya pada tahun ini.
baru aku teringat aku belum
mengisi lagi borang cuti aku.
kesimpulannya,
hati aku tiada sebab untuk
senyum selebarnya pada
pagi raya tahun ini.
yer, hati aku akan masih senyum.
masa kan tidak, aku gembira kerana
syawal menjelma.
cuma senyuman hatiku tidaklah selebar mana.
tidak mengapa,
walau dimana berada.
aku tetap aku.
tidak mungkin aku bertukar
dan lupa siapa diri aku.


hati riang,

aku penat menunggu.

them at hearts ",

it's loud.
so loud.
but i don't mind.
because it is the sound
of happiness.
i just love hearing it
over and over again.

it's crowded.
everywhere.
at the mall,
people are busy doin their raya shopping
at home,
people are busy gathering
for iftar.
and my home.
today is quite different.
coz it's full.
everyone is here.
the whole family.
well, not quite everyone.
people always leave, right?



dull days,

the missing faces are missed.

jalan tanpa henti.

enam. satu. satu.

ini adalah entri aku yang ke enam ratus sebelas.
tidak aku pernah sangka akan cecah sebanyak ini.
begitu banyak cerita aku kongsikan disini.
dan aku sedar hingga kini blog shadows of mine
tidak mempunyai peminat seramai blog2 lain
yang terhangat di pasaran.
memanglah, aku tidak ada cerita apa yang
menarik untuk dikongsikan.
bukan aku tak nak mengenengahkan isu2 menarik
di sini. cuma bagi aku, aku lebih selesa
menaip perkara-perkara yang terlintas difikiran aku.
dgn erti kata lain, setiap perkataan yang aku keluarkan
dapat mengurangkan kesunyian aku yg hidup dlm negara bayang2 ini.

aku sesat petang tadi.
tersalah masuk simpang lalu aku berdepan
dgn sebuah lampu trafik yg rosak.
mmg dugaan kerana walaupun di bulan yg mulia ini
orang2 yang berpuasa bukannya ada kesedaran sivik utk
bersabar dan bertolak ansur.
dah memang rosak lampu merah kuning hijau di depan,
salahkah kita bertolak ansur? semua orang ada destinasi
masing2. fikirkanlah.

aku tidak sabar esok.
sungguh.
selain berbuka puasa beramai-ramai,
aku mempunyai sebab lain tuk gembira.
akan aku nantikan kehadiran esok.

aku risau.
tipulah kalau aku berkata tidak.
aku hanya mampu berdoa.
aku harap segalanya
akan pulih.
dan aku mahu berterima kasih
dengan tiga kata yg akhir itu ",







jalan tanpa henti,

aku yang terharu.

eid.

sungguh sukar tuk aku percaya.
aku gembira.
tidak sia2 aku ajukan soalan
berkenaan aku tidak tahu mahu mengisi
hari apa untuk memohon cuti raya.
sekali lagi, aku gembira.
tetapi aku suda sedia maklum
terlebih dahulu
bahawa ini bukan keputusan
muktamad.
tidak mengapa, aku masih
mampu berharap.
yang ternyata pasti hati aku
ketawa riang ria semasa berbuka tadi
apabila abahku menyatakan hasrat
hatinya yang mahu beraya disini
pada tahun ini.
tapi dia serahkan pada keputusan majoriti
semasa mesyuarat keluarga pada hari ahad ini.
dan aku sebagai adek bongsu hanya menurut kata sahaja.
memang seronok beraya di kampung halaman.
barulah kita dapat rasa suasana riang seperti yg dialunkan
dalam lagu balik kampung nyanyian arwah sudirman.
yer, seronok dpt kumpul dgn sanak saudara yang lain.
tapi,
semua itu tidak dapat menggantikan perasaan aku
yang sgt bersyukur setiap kali dpt beraya di shah alam.
kerana...kerana..
tidak mengapalah. aku hanya pernah berkongsi
dgn seorang manusia sahaja di muka bumi ini
kenapa aku hendak sgt menghabiskan raya pertama aku disini.
biarlah hanya dia dan aku sahaja yang tahu setakat ini.
aku enggan berseronok sangat, kerana aku takut aku akan kecewa
dgn keputusan ahli keluarga yang lain.
sesungguhnya, aku berharap yang teramat sangat
mahu sembahyang raya disini. dan beraya disini.
itu sahaja yang dapat mengubati hati aku yang sepi ini.


malam yg suram,

aku yg kenyang.

loner.

....

-----

~~~~~~

^^^

****

aku tidak suka perasaan ini.
tapi ia datang juga.
kerap hadir.
minggu ini sahaja.
sudah berkali-kali muncul
dalam mimpiku.
sampai satu tahap dalam mimpiku
aku sendiri tersedar yg ianya mimpi
dan bukan realiti.
ok. aku mahu mengaku.
aku rindu setahun yang lalu.
sungguh tak tipu.
jiwa aku tidaklah sekosong ini.
now the soul is, beyond empty probably?
i missed a year ago. it was a happy moments.
hanya kerana.
kerana jiwa aku mempunyai sebab utk
senyum seindah pelangi.

aku harus hentikan
semua ini.
semua sudah berlalu.
kenapa dan mengapa
haruslah dilupakan.
entahlah.
mungkinkah kerana sekarang ini Ogos.
kenapa dengan bulan merdeka ini?
aku pon tidak mengerti.
tipulah kalau aku lupe.
aku ingat.
dan masih ingat.
aku tidak terkejut walau sekecil zarah pon
jika dia lupa.

aku terasa mahu melihat matahari terbit.
aku akan cuba dalam bbrp hari lagi.
ke mana?
aku mahu duduk di satu sudut.
di atas kerusi besi.
di depan stadium yg tak segah mane pon di shah alam ini.
melihat matahari menyinar dimataku.

walaupun aku bukan matahari
yang dpt memberi sinaran cahaya
tapi aku bukanlah jua bayang-bayang
yang hanya memberi kegelapan.
di sebalik setiap bayang- bayang itulah
yang memberi janji setia utk tidak lari kemana-mana.

aku bahagia melihat kau bahagia.
yer, kau.
hanya kau. akan aku tunggu
sehingga kau dimiliki orang
baru aku akan berkata ya,
dan sedia jadi milik orang lain
yang ternyata aku tidak ada
secebis perasaan pon.






tulus lagi ikhlas,

aku tanpa sesiapa.